Legal Crap

OK, pay attention now, because this stuff is important. By using this Site, you agree to be bound by all the terms on this page (the Legal Crap) and any Canadian federal, provincial, or local law or regulation that applies to the Site, the internet or the world wide web. If you do not agree to be bound by these terms, please do not access or browse the site.

1. This is Paul Wallace's Site. All elements of the various Paul Wallace web pages including but not necessarily limited to the text, images, audio, video, site design, and the selection and arrangement of these elements (collectively called the Site) are copyright © by Paul Wallace. The only exception to this is trademarks, product names and company names or logos which may show up on the Site, and which are the property of their respective owners. Paul Wallace owns everything else. All rights reserved. You're not allowed to reproduce any of it, and you are definitely not allowed to use it to make money. You can't copy, modify, republish, upload, post, transmit, use, or distribute any part of the Site for any purpose unless Paul Wallace signs a letter giving you permission. (Not just an email. An actual physical letter.) You have to leave all copyright and other proprietary notices on the materials. Modification of the Site or use of the Site for any purpose other than your personal noncommercial viewing and browsing will constitute a violation of Paul Wallace's copyrights and other rights. The use of any part of the Site on any other web site or networked computer environment is prohibited.
2. Did I mention that Paul Wallace owns this Site, and you don't? Nothing contained on the Site should be construed as granting, by implication, estoppel, or otherwise, any license or right to use any intellectual property displayed on the Site without the written permission of Paul Wallace or such third party that may own the intellectual property displayed on the Site. Your use of the intellectual property displayed on the Site, or any other content on the Site, except as provided in this Legal Crap, is strictly prohibited. You are also advised that Paul Wallace will aggressively enforce his intellectual property rights to the fullest extent of the law, including the seeking of criminal prosecution.
3. Just because something is posted on the web, doesn't mean you can do whatever the heck you want with it. Paul Wallace neither warrants nor represents that your use of materials displayed on the Site will not infringe rights of third parties not affiliated with Paul Wallace. Any unauthorized use of materials on or linked to from this Site may violate copyright laws, trademark laws, the laws of privacy and publicity, and communications regulations and statutes.
4. Paul Wallace makes no representation that the contents of this Site will not offend your local rules, customs, norms, community standards, laws and regulations. All Paul Wallace did was post the Site on a computer in North America. You are the one who downloaded it to your country. If your government has decided that pictures depicting polyester thread are obscene, or that the color green is counter-revolutionary or passed any other law or regulation regarding the internet that is different from the corresponding rules here in North America, then it is your responsibility to know about such differences before you start surfing this Site. Paul Wallace assumes no responsibility or liability if the contents of this Site are considered in your part of the world to be Really Bad. Really Bad means anything considered to be obscene, hateful, blasphemous, subversive, anarchistic, revolutionary, counter-revolutionary, pornographic, false, dangerous, defamatory, libelous, slanderous, profane, inaccurate, threatening, scandalous, inflammatory, or to invade privacy or promote anti-social thoughts or behaviour, or to constitute or encourage conduct that would be considered a criminal offense, give rise to civil liability, or otherwise violate any law or regulation.
5. Paul Wallace makes no warranties or representations as to the accuracy of the Site. Paul Wallace assumes no liability or responsibility for any errors or omissions in the content of the Site. It stands to reason that nothing on this Site can be considered part of any contract you subsequently enter into with Paul Wallace. Without restricting the generality of the foregoing, don't assume that an product or service will be exactly as described on the Site. Paul Wallace may have changed the items/services. The Site may be out of date, or just plain wrong. INFORMATION IS SUBJECT TO CHANGE WITHOUT NOTICE.
6. Paul Wallace doesn't have the time or the inclination to baby-sit you. Paul Wallace has not reviewed any or all of the off-Site pages linked to the Site and is not responsible for the content of any off-Site pages or any other sites linked to the Site, whether affiliated or not affiliated with Paul Wallace. Pages and sites not maintained by Paul Wallace are not part of the Site. The links are for your convenience only, and linked sites may be accessed by you only at your own risk. Your linking to the Site, off-site pages or other sites is at your own risk and without the permission of Paul Wallace. Paul Wallace assumes no responsibility or liability if the contents of off-Site pages turn out to be Really Bad.
7. It is Paul Wallace's position that no parent or guardian should ever allow an impressionable child to have unsupervised or uncontrolled access to any mass communications media, including this Site. Paul Wallace encourages parents and guardians to spend time online with their children and to participate in the interactive activities offered on the sites their children visit. No information should be submitted to, or posted at, Paul Wallace's website by visitors under 13 years of age without the consent of their parent or guardian. Supervise your own kids! If you are under 13, stop reading this and go get a grownup.
8. If Bad Things happen to you, don't blame Paul Wallace. Your use of and browsing in the Site are at your risk. Neither Paul Wallace, nor any other party involved in creating, producing, or delivering the Site is liable for any direct, incidental, consequential, indirect, or punitive damages arising out of your access to, or use of, the Site. Without limiting the foregoing, and to the fullest extent permitted by applicable law, everything on the Site is provided to you "AS IS" WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NONINFRINGEMENT. Paul Wallace expressly disclaims any warranty that the functions contained in the materials appearing on this site will be uninterrupted or free of errors, that defects will be corrected, or that this site or the server that contains the site are free of viruses or other harmful elements. Paul Wallace makes no warranties or representations, express or implied, regarding the use of the materials appearing on this site with regard to their correctness, reliability, accuracy, or otherwise. Paul Wallace shall not be responsible or liable to any person, firm, or corporation for any loss, damage, injury, claim, or liability of any kind or character based on or resulting from any information contained on this site. THIS IS A COMPREHENSIVE LIMITATION OF LIABILITY THAT APPLIES TO ALL DAMAGES OF ANY KIND, INCLUDING (WITHOUT LIMITATION) COMPENSATORY, DIRECT, INDIRECT OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES, LOSS OF DATA, INCOME OR PROFIT, LOSS OF OR DAMAGE TO PROPERTY AND CLAIMS OF THIRD PARTIES.
9. Anything you send to Paul Wallace becomes his property. If you send Paul Wallace creative suggestions, ideas, notes, jokes, concepts, or other information (collectively, the "Information"), the Information shall be deemed to become, and shall remain, the property of Paul Wallace, including all copyright, without reservations. You waive in favour of Paul Wallace any and all moral rights in such Information. Without restricting the generality of the foregoing, Paul Wallace shall exclusively own all now known or hereafter existing rights to the Information of every kind and nature throughout the world, and shall be entitled to unrestricted use of the Information for any purpose whatsoever, commercial or otherwise, without compensation to you. You are hereby notified that all or any portion of the Information may be used, edited, modified, reproduced, published, translated, sublicensed, copied and distributed and/or incorporated into other works in any form, media, or technology now known or hereafter developed for the full term of any copyright that may exist in such Information, without compensation of any kind to you.
10. Furthermore, Paul Wallace is free to use any ideas, concepts, know-how, or techniques contained in any Information you send to him for any purpose whatsoever including, but not limited to, developing, producing and marketing designs, formats, and services using such information. By submitting Information to Paul Wallace, you automatically warrant that you have the full right and authority to submit such Information, and that none of such Information is subject to any proprietary right of a third party.
11. Don't send Paul Wallace anything you want kept secret. None of the Information shall be subject to any obligation of confidence on the part of Paul Wallace, and Paul Wallace shall not be liable for any use or disclosure of all or part of the Information. For example, without limiting the foregoing, Paul Wallace may read your email out-loud to his friends while making rude comments about your intelligence and sexual habits.
12. If you send Paul Wallace spam, YOU WILL PAY. "Spam" means unsolicited commercial email or any other text which advertises or otherwise solicits funds or is a solicitation for goods or services. (As used in this Legal Crap, spam does NOT mean the yummy luncheon meat manufactured by Hormel Foods Inc.) If you send him spam, Paul Wallace will interpret such action as a request to engage Paul Wallace's services as an expert judge of the artistic merit of said spam. Paul Wallace will evaluate your spam according to his personal aesthetic standards. For this valuable service, you agree to pay one hundred US dollars per page, plus any costs associated with tracking you down and collecting the debt and any accumulated interest. If Paul Wallace judges your spam to have artistic merit, he will respond to it. If Paul Wallace judges your spam to have no artistic merit he will not respond to you, but may at his discretion forward your spam to the postmaster address at some Internet Service Provider. By sending spam, you agree that one hundred US dollars per page is a reasonable price for this service because of Paul Wallace's specialized aesthetic perceptions, and you agree to pay in full within seven days. If you don't want to pay, then DON'T SEND SPAM.
13. Don't send Paul Wallace any really sick stuff. You agree not to send any materials which are obscene or pornographic; infringe the intellectual property rights, including copyrights, of any third party; incite hate against an identifiable group; violate any law or regulation; or advocate illegal activity. You agree to indemnify Paul Wallace from and against any and all third party claims, demands, liabilities, costs, or expenses, including legal fees, resulting from your submission of any materials in violation of the foregoing restrictions.
14. This Legal Crap shall be construed and governed in accordance with the laws of the province of Alberta and the Dominion of Canada, regardless of the place or places of its physical execution and performance. This Site is hosted within North America, and controlled by Paul Wallace from within the Province of Alberta, Canada. This Site can be accessed from all provinces and territories of Canada, as well as from other countries around the world. As each of these places has laws that may differ from those of the Province of Alberta, Canada, by accessing this Site, you agree that all matters relating to access to, or use of, this Site, or any other hyperlinked site, shall be governed by the laws of the Province of Alberta and the laws of Canada, without regard to the conflicts of laws principals thereof. You also agree and hereby submit to the exclusive personal jurisdiction and venue of the courts of the Province of Alberta and acknowledge that you do so voluntarily and that you are responsible for complying with local laws. Any actions brought by you or by Paul Wallace based on or arising out of this Legal Crap shall be brought exclusively in a court of competent jurisdiction in Edmonton Alberta.
15. Paul Wallace changes the contents of this Site from time to time, as the whim strikes him. He might add stuff. He might take stuff away. HE MIGHT EVEN CHANGE THE Legal Crap PAGE YOU ARE READING NOW WITHOUT NOTICE. Paul Wallace may at any time revise this Legal Crap by updating this posting. You are bound by any such revisions and should therefore periodically visit this page to review the then current Legal Crap to which you are bound.
16. If any term or provision of this Legal Crap is for any reason held to be invalid, such invalidity shall not affect any other term or provision, and this Legal Crap shall be interpreted as if such term or provision had never been contained in this Legal Crap. This Legal Crap contains the entire understanding between you and Paul Wallace with respect to its subject matter. Any other agreements between you and Paul Wallace are superseded and of no force or effect.
17. You agree to give Paul Wallace the soul of your first-born child.
18. No, just kidding about the first-born child. But everything else on this Legal Crap is for real.